ya dads aren't the best wingmen
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
