my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
