I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
