If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
