I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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