I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
