ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
