school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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