I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
