The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize