I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
