It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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