next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
