Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
