So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
