The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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