yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
