Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
