Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
