There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
