I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
