i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
