I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
