C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
3pm strippers are depressing
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
