Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
