I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
