After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
