you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
