You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
