So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
