I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
