good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
