There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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