break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
