i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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