just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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