People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
