I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
