Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
