I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
