I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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