how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
