Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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