I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
