I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
