do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
