in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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