Plan B is the new Plan A
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Houston, we have a squirter
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
