i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
