brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
