I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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