Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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