i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
