Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We need to get me chipped asap
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
