Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
