When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
as a side note pls kill me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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