Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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