literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
