She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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