He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
