better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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