i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
