Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
