I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
