the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
