I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
