Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
